Did you watch the Hatfields & McCoys mini-series that aired on History channel this week? We sure did, and I loved it! I am a nerd for historical non-fiction, and this was just that! I'm sure they changed some details to make it (can you image) more dramatic than the actual story, and left out some characters or situations to save time, but it was fantastic!
The only drawback of the mini-series was its two leading men: Kevin Costner and Bill Paxton. Both are famous actors, who have made a good living and never have to work another day in their lives, etc., but I'm not a fan of their acting styles. Well, style. The style that consists of dry delivery no matter the situation, and little to no emotion.
When Kevin Costner discovered he had a half-brother in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and then further discovered that his half-brother had been helping him all along and was now in immediate danger of being killed by the I'll-cut-your-heart-out-with-a-spoon Sheriff of Nottingham? That's a pretty life-changing series of events, yet you can't even squeak out a tear?
And you, Bill Paxton - although I loved you in Big Love as Bill Henrickson, husband times three who is tasked with solving all the problems that have plagued the FLDS for a century, you rarely impress me.
I expressed these feelings on Facebook the other night, and received this heartfelt plea from a coworker to reconsider my hatred for all things Paxton. I thought I'd share - this is quality, my friends. Enjoy:
Happy Friday Kristen!
I couldn't help but notice that you were very condescending of Bill Paxton (Paxton in Hopwellion means "He needs McRib"). I am sure you are aware that Bill Paxton and myself share several similarities…we were both born on days that end in "y", we have shared the same haircut, we both saw the movie "Twister", and in a situation where all hope seems lost we both love to yell "Game over man!".
To change your opinion of Sir Bill Pax-ton (Paxton in Ewoknese means "He with blender.") I have compiled for you some of Bills greatest moments.
The first thing you have to know about Bill Paxton is that he comes prepared. Look at this pic…this isn't make up…Bill came to work dressed like this after his wedding! Look at that hair…Bill Paxton (Paxton is Swahili for "Please pass the nachos") knows good hair.
Bill Paxton knows how to look "blank"…like no thoughts are traveling through his head. Obviously this method of acting was stolen from Bill Paxton by other acting greats like Robert DeNero, Pauly Shore, and Yahoo Serious.
Bill Paxton (Paxton is Greek for "Not Orko".) knows that when all else fails, look crazy. We are 12 movies into the Alien series and Sigourney Weaver still has not fixed the issue. Bill Paxton could of fixed it in 30 seconds cause he just can…he is Bill Paxton.
Long before Jay-Z, DJ Jazzy Jeff or Zack Attack, Bill Paxton knew about popping the collar. You go Bill Paxton!
Bill Paxton knows his place…he knows that when someone is about to tell a Billy Zane (Zane is Kansasian for "Zane") story, you listen!
Bill Paxton doesn’t like Wilford Brimley either. (Bill Paxton loves a good running joke.)
Finally Bill Paxton (Paxton is Wingding for "Fear has no place in the Kobra-Kai DoJo does it? NO SEN-SAI!") knows that sometimes you just have to hide in a cornfield.
In conclusion Kristen, I just wanted you to see how some of the works of Sir William of the Paxton has made the world a better place and hopefully you will enjoy his acting abilities more in the future! Have a great weekend!
"I scare small pets."